Five Short Doctor Who Fics
by DeTroyes
Summary: A selection of drabbles and related fics, mostly of questionable humor.


**_These fics were originally posted on the _Alt.DrWho.Creative_ newsgroup._**   
**_For more of my offbeat fanfiction, check out my homepage [The End of the Phoenix][1]._**

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NOTE: The following shorts are mostly drabbles (100-word stories) or drabbles-and-a-half (150 word stories)..   


**Cryptic Remarks**

***** 

"It's the new code book Smiley's boys have cooked up." the GCHQ official said to the Brigadier. "We'd really appreciate it if your people looked it over." 

"May I?" the Doctor asked. Wordlessly, the Brigadier handed him the book. 

The official looked at UNIT's scientific advisor wearily. For some reason, this white-haired dandy made him uneasy. He certainly wasn't the type he'd expect to find at a proper military establishment. 

"Brigadier. Are you certain it is safe to allow this... person... access like this? We can't allow just anyone to look through the book, you know. Falling into the wrong hands, well, who knows where it might end up?" 

The Doctor looked up, angrily. "My dear sir," he said, "what makes you think I'd be interested in stealing the tome of the cyphermen?" 

--DBK   
27 May 1999   


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**Enlightenment?**   
A Drabble 

"Take it!" Turlough shouted, shoving the crystal toward the Black Guardian. 

The Guardian exploded. "Enlightenment!" he thought, "Must get rid of it!" 

After a nano-second's consideration, he decided what to do with the crystal. Even Enlightenment can bring about evil, he thought.... 

***** 

The boys watched fearfully as the two men entered their apartment. They already knew why the men were there. 

It took a few opening words before the black hitman's act got rolling. "Let me guess," Jules finally said to one of the boys, while his partner, Vincent Vega, began searching the apartment for the suitcase. "You're Brad, aren't you?" 

--DBK 

NOTE:   
Just a little bit of pulp fanfiction....   


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NOTE: 'The Hollywood Shuffle"is an irregular series of short fics looking at what _Doctor Who _might be like if it was produced in Hollywood using well-known actors and directors. 

I apologize in advance for this one. 

--DBK 

***** 

**The Hollywood Shuffle: "Creature from the Pit"**   
Another silly Drabble-And-A-Half 

***** 

"Hey wow. Like, check this out." The Doctor picked a few dried leaves from the ground. He sniffed them experimentally. "This is some killer weed!" 

"Like, much better than that Vraxoin shit we had last week?" Romana asked. The bearded and heavyset figure began to search their person for that ever present wad of rolling papers. 

"Much better, man. We gotta ask Lady Adrasta to let us take some." The Doctor started to grin in anticipation. "We gonna make el mucho dinero in East L.A. with this shit!" 

The pair began to roll the dried leaves into two largish cigars, which were promptly lit. They puffed on them merrily. 

"Hey, man." The Doctor observed. "This shit really works fast." 

"Like, how do you know, man?" 

"Because I'm hallucinating, man." The Doctor giggled. "Hehehehehe.... There's this big-assed creature coming out of the pit behind you and man does he looks pissed!" 

--DBK   
16 June 2000 

NOTE:   
The Doctor......Cheech Marin   
Romana..........Tommy Chong   


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**The Hollywood Shuffle: "Resurrection of the Daleks"**   
A silly drabble-and-a-half 

***** 

"Until I'd come through that door I'd foolishly hoped I wouldn't have to do this." 

Davros looked up at the tall black timelord, alarmed. One of the converted troopers was handing him their gun. "What are you doing?" Davros sputtered, incredulously. 

A burst of energy fire exploded in front of the decrepit scientist. 

"Shut... your... fuckin'... mouth." The Doctor demanded, coolly. "I ain't here as your damn prisoner. I'm here as your muther-fuckin' executioner." 

"But..." Davros crackled, still alarmed. "I'd planned to make the Daleks less of a threat..." 

"You're damn right." the Doctor agreed, and pulled the trigger. 

Davros slumped forward, dead. The Doctor tossed the gun back to the trooper. "Any questions?" the timelord asked them, and shuffled confidently away. 

The one trooper turned to Stien. "Damn..." he muttered, "that Doctor. He's one bad mother..." 

Stien cut him off with a single finger. "Shut your mouth." he warned. 

--DBK   
16 June 2000 

NOTE:   
Incidental Music by Isaac Hayes 

The Doctor.......Richard Roundtree or Samuel L. Jackson   


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Sequel to K. M. Wilcox's Drabble "It's Not Easy". No, this is not a political statement. Just an observation. :-) 

--DBK 

*****   
**The Ties That Bind**   
A Drabble   


As the candidates milled around uncertainly, and as Lehrer and Nader exchanged heated words concerning perceived (real and imaginary) political slights, the Doctor simply stood to the side and watched the fireworks. 

"I thought you didn't interfere in local politics, Doctor." said a familiar voice from behind. 

Astonished, the Doctor turned around to find the very same athletic, short, red-haired woman whose voice he'd recognized. 

"Mel!" he said, incredulously. "What are you doing here?" 

Melanie Bush pointed to the stage, smiling. "Oh, nothing. It's just not every day that a cousin of mine runs for President of the United States..." 

--DBK   
27 October 2000 

   [1]: http://www.enteract.com/~detroyes/teotp/teotp.html



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